I once wished for death
Not because I wanted it
But because I felt I deserved it
I was shunned by society
I had become my own
Frankenstein's monster

Sleepless
Nameless
Violent
And otherwise silent
This was my path
Not once
But twice

Somewhere along the path
I regained faith in myself
But still felt that society shunned me
I felt I was on the path of redemption
Repentence
But I'm not religious
I was just trying to make amends
For the damage I had done

Sleepless
Nameless
Silent
And internally violent
This was my path
Not once
But twice

I learned all I could grasp
About medicine
The society that shunned me
And my forgotten past
How to realign bones I could break
Numb the pain from pressure points and blades
I still don't understand why I don't "fit in"

Sleepless
Nameless
Silent
With vigils most violent
This was my path
Not once
But twice

I still wish for death from time to time
Never for the selfless reason it was at first
But always the same reason after that
Fear
Fear of losing time
Not noticing months and years pass by
In the blink of my eye
First comes the insomnia
Then the small momentary slices out of time
Then the months blurring together into a week
I never want to exist like that again
I'd rather die
But tonight, instead, I celebrate life
Even though I am sleepless

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