i hate this feeling
this dull ache
this feeling of dread
i watch you day by day
fighting with yourself
and you take me down with you
when you lose your own battles
it wears me down inside
the love i have for you
is challenged each time
each time you change your mind
each time you fall into someone else's arms
each time you break your promises to me
i'm not a toy
i'm not meant to be played with
i have feelings and they get hurt
"i'm not a concept, joel
i'm just a fucked up girl looking
for her own peace of mind"
somewhere in there
in that mixed up head of yours
is some kind of love
whatever love means to you
and you rip it away from me
you push me away when i get to close
what are you scared of?
i would never hurt you
i'd never run away
"but you'd rather leave than live and learn"
i gave you my all
but it wasn't good enough for you
what do you want?
what do you need from me?
when you needed a friend i was there
when you needed someone to love i was there
where did i go wrong
it was perfect
and wrong
all at the same time
it was exciting
and boring
i love you
and hate you
but why?
why?
i ask myself constantly
i can't sleep at night
the whys run through my head
and you counter them with i don't knows
you don't know?
you don't know
and for once, neither do i
for once i want to push you away
"slip away to fade away"
i thought today i could erase you
that thought should never enter my mind
i thought today i could run to someone else
like i didn't want you to touch me
afraid if i let you in you'll rip me apart again
i shouldn't feel that way
when did i love you become a question
when did forever become a maybe
why did you turn around and hurt me again
maybe i'm naive
maybe you are too young
maybe we're both too young
but it tears me apart
and i wonder if i've wasted the past 6 months of my life
loving someone who can't love me back
or who won't let himself admit it
and i wonder if happily ever afters are attainable
or will i walk through life with bruises
will everyone i meet abuse my soul
that's what you've done
you're slowly killing me inside
go ahead and cry, maybe you'll feel better
i have no tears left
i've shed them all for you
broken and bloody my tears run red
before they die
and i'm left with myself again
loving you as you leave
but you always open the door to go
and merely stand in the doorway
never walking away completely
haunting me
and you tell me you love me
you tell me you want me
but you can never hold on to me
understand that i can't risk it
i won't risk it
not today, not tomorrow
maybe someday
but not soon
if you have the time to wait
be my guest
but don't hold your breath
it's likely you'll die breathless
i want to reach out to you
but it would do no good
i want to kiss the tears away
but the salt would get in my wounds
you have no right to hurt now
you brought this on
you threw me away
and you want me to stay?
for what?
so you can step on my heart again?
it won't be in your possession to harm
i love you
i love you
but it just wasn't enough
